Saturday, April 20, 2013

Look out Iowa City, here comes...Homura-san!

Look out Iowa City, here comes...Homura-san!

October 1, 2026

Weekly Report Posted: November 02, 2012 01:50

After the Mitakihara Magi went through their drills at the University of Iowa ahead of their match with the Hawkeyes, offensive coordinator Homura Akemi walked on to the field dressed rather lewdly, if scandalous.
"Uhhhhhh, coach?" asked quarterback Parov Stelar, manually tilting his head sideways with his hands. "Coach? It's October. It's cold. Why are you dressed like that?"
"Guys," Homura said, addressing the first team on offense, "we are facing Iowa on Madoka's birthday. This is an important game, for me, personally."
"So...why are you dressed like that?"
"A challenge, first team on offense: score 20 touchdowns on offense on Iowa. If you can get it done, I will rest you and play the second-string ahead of next week's Homecoming Game."
"Oooooooh," the players said, excited. Some were exchanging fist bumps.
"So that's why you were dressed like a birthday present today, Coach," said fullback Jacques "Jack the Lad" Ladouceur. "I see what you did there."
"You think we can do it, though?":asked wideout Kit Pinchback. "It's a tall order..."
"You are the best offense in all of college football," Homura reminded them, walking around suggestively. She lifted Kit's chin, eliciting some oohs. "You can do anything." She turned to the others. "And that goes for every one of you chauvinists on this field." They all laughed. "We know what you are capable of. It's no effing secret. Do not let my wife down. And do not let my husband down, either."
"I didn't know you had a wife and a husband," said halfback Aaron Hogan, who was met with a violent kick to the stomach by Homura. "Oooof! That kills!" He coughed up blood.
"Now you know." Again, she turned to the others after flipping her hair. "That is the challenge: 20 touchdowns on offense, first team. Do you accept?"
"MA'AM, YES MA'AM!" they all said, straight as sticks.
"At ease."
"'ve got a really nice body," said an infatuated Andre Washington.
She winked at him. "Thank you. But it's not yours to have. My body belongs to Madoka...and Takkun."
"TAKKUN!?" gasped the players, confused.
"Who's he?" asked wideout Johnny Rich. "Your pet cat?"
She had a naughty face. "Even better. He's your head coach, who is coming in 3...2...1."
On cue, Tatsuya arrived. "Hey, guys. Ahhh! Homura!? God dammit, what the hell are you wearing?"
"Hi, Takkun," Homura said, blowing a kiss, winking.
"HI, TAKKUUUUUUUUUUUN!" said the players, hearts in their eyes, hands clasped, infatuated at their OC's godly frame.
"Uggggh." Tatsuya put a palm to his forehead. He looked pissed. "Good mother of my sister, I don't know what to do with you all..."

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