Sunday, June 9, 2013

Jay Kirkpatrick gives Madoka the finger, coaches pissed

Jay Kirkpatrick gives Madoka the finger, coaches pissed

Staff reports
The Daily Magi
January 18, 2046


Despite last year's season focusing on player rotation and depth-flexing, one key player on the offensive line has decided to leave Mitakihara for other schools.

Left guard Jay Kirkpatrick dominated the blocking stats with 80 pancake blocks and finished 2045 as one of the top blockers on the Puella Magi Option offense of Madoka. However, in a move that took the whole campus by surprise—literally—Kirkpatrick is going to finish his career at South Carolina.

"It was a tough decision, but I have to do what's best for me. I'm transferring," Kirkpatrick said in a behind-closed-doors meeting with the coaching staff.

Afterwards, a very infuriated Coach Kaname addresed the media.

"This took all of us by surprised, and quite frankly we are not only disappointed, we are appalled by the decision Jay decided to make today regarding," said Coach Kaname, his tone very grim and threatening. "Jay was one of our top blockers and we needed him to contribute to the team because we are going to need depth on the offensive line this year.

"We were confident that the stats he put up would assure that he would be playing with us for the rest of his career at this level and in any normal circumstance, 80 pancakes blocks is none too shabby. We still cannot understand why he would transfer after the massive he has had in helping us defend our titles last season. 

"But what really pisses me off, and this is on a personal level, is that he chose to transfer to the school that we just defeated days ago in the BCS National Championship Game: South Carolina. Now, I have nothing against the Gamecocks; on the contrary, they have a great team, but that is like giving everyone on this campus both middle fingers extended for everyone to see. It's treason-level, even. Pure blatant treason. Everyone on campus is incensed by this news, it's not just the coaches. A massive stab in the back, a huge slap in the face. Completely despicable decision.

"I want players who play for the team and not themselves. I want unselfish student-athletes who are content with their roles and are not driven by greed and a failure to value the time they spend as a member of the Mitakihara Family. And I want players who should not feel sorry for the enemy so much that they want to join them. While it is our official duty to wish Jay the best in what he does in the future, we have warned him that he will never win a national championship again and that he will need to complete all the required procedures to transfer to South Carolina and leave this campus and Canada immediately.

"Again, it is very disappointing that we have players who are not satisfied and happy with the roles they have in being part of the best college football team in all of college football. Those are the types of selfish players I have a deep resentment for and have no use for at all."

South Carolina will be one of the three nonconference teams on the 2046 schedule.

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