Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The mission is clear: stop ECU

The mission is clear: stop ECU

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
August 31, 2051


This week, Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi have one thing on their minds, and one thing only: and that is to prevent the East Carolina Pirates from making a third straight BCS title run. That has been the theme etched in the minds of the players: Sink The Ship Before It Sets Sail.

Following the Magi's victory over South Carolina, the message was made clear by the coach.

"Gentlemen, we need to rip the living [expletive] off these mother [expletive], do I make myself clear?" he said to the players.

"YES, SIR!" they said as one.

"Nothing, not even the ceiling, can hold us! Remember Macklemore! What are we gonna do?"

"Beat ECU!"

"What are we gonna do!?"

"BEAT ECU!"

"I said, what are we mother [expletive] gonna do!!?"

"BEAT ECU!" they roared.

"That's what I want to hear!" he said. "Now listen you guys, I want that shiny AP trophy mother [explete] back where it [expletive] belongs: inside Hakurei's Hall of Fame! Let's get that [expletive] done next week, boys! What do you say, eh?"

"YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!"

"All right, let's break it up!"

"Man. Coach Kaname really want to make Reimu happy this week because she is the namesake of the home of the football team, even though other teams also use the facility," said senior quarterback Brendan Lewis after the pep talk. "He really wants us to win it undisputedly. I love it when he gets emotional and tells us to get motivated to win because it gives us that fire, that spring in our step to do the work. He's a legend."

"I personally want East Carolina to give back their AP trophy that was gifted to them last year," said fellow senior quarterback Nic Johnson. "Seriously. What were those idiots thinking giving East Carolina the top spot after we kicked their asses in Glendale? These polls are obscene garbage. It's pointless, and we will prove that theory correct next week."

"We're gonna knock these [expletive] into next season," said senior halfback Fred Jackson. "They shouldn't have shared the spoils. We're the best team in college football for four decades, and these small-timers try to take our lunch money? 

"See, I come from the Midwest, and I am pretty certain that these Southerners got another thing coming. Coach has gotten us hyped up for this. We can't wait for the next game. We'll try to get some sleep while we're at it. Long season, everybody."

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