Monday, September 30, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 17

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 17

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
November 28, 2053


Hey, how's it going, everyone! I am Gir Todafunk, back at it with another Weekly Column for the Daily Magi and the Magi Football Blog. I'm feeling more of the love again this week. Another Player of the Week honor by the conference and by the nation of America and the 51st known as Canada. Our official state languages are English and French. I kid. The people in New York come up with these things, and after six tackles and seven picks, I get my dues.

Man, does it feel fantastic. Not sure if I will earn similar honors this week against UNLV, but hey, I can't complain about padding my stats like this. I mean, I'm leading college football in interceptions this season; it's great. So hopefully, I can get a few more turnovers and look to make a late push for the Thorpe.

So here we are, honoring the seniors on all the sports teams on Magia Day, part of Magia Week, which talks about the accomplishments of many senior student-athletes. On the Daily Magi, you've already seen some of the success stories of the seniors from the football, basketball, hockey, baseball and women's volleyball teams. I look up to a lot of these people because to me, they are role models and heroes. Heroines, if you're talking about the women.

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One of these female role models that I look up to, surprisingly, is Kotori Itsuka, the wife of Coach Okabe. She is someone that knows a lot about this football team and advocates their success and winning formula. The only thing she's not a fan of, but has learned to accept, is us running up the score on weaker opponents. We've done that quite a few times and she doesn't approve of it, but what does she know? She's only a coach's wife, that's all. And an employee of the university.

"The thing about it is that Buntarou doesn't like us being too harsh on our opponents either, but the way the players are conditioned in their freshman year turns them into world-beaters," Ms. Kotori said when I talked with her on Wednesday about her thoughts on the team. "It's an unescapable fact that I have learned to accept. They don't take pills, they don't take steroids...they just run in the sun, do drills, lift weights, and develop a mental and physical toughness that fuels them for the next four years of their lives.

"At this university, Gir, you can be a three-star everyman and turn into a five-star powerhouse after going through summer conditioning and the two-a-days. When you are surrounded by all the awards and accolades and plaudits inside the Hall of Fame, you just want a piece of it and help add to it. It makes you want to be a part of this. And then you turn into the type of ideal student-athlete we look for to play in, fight in, live in, and die in our colours.

"That's how it's been for more than four decades. This is our tradition. You are a part of this by playing on the football team."

I asked Miss Kotori, "Do you ever come out to the games?"

"Only when I'm not called to work," she said. "If it's a day game at home, I can't. If it's a night game at home, I might be able to catch at least the second half. In this case, I will be at the game in full and hopefully I can give Buntarou some tips on how to get the line to start making some sacks."

"You don't like us making picks, Miss Kotori?"

"That's Coach Tsuruta's department. You talk to Mickey about that. I'm concerned about the D-Line." She offered me a piece of candy. "Lollipop?" 

"Gee, thanks." I couldn't resist. That's Ms. Kotori's calling card: lollipops. She's quite a fast talker and very frank, but she really cares about the well-being of the team. And she's a nice lady to begin with. "You remind me of my mom."

"I get that a lot," she replied with a wink. "That's why Buntarou made me his wife."

Well, tomorrow we get to begin the final push for the next national championship. We got some Rebels to hunt down. Hope to see you all there at the Stadium. Next week, I get to talk about those two teams ahead of us on the rankings: Miami and Texas. Or, it might be something else if they fall this week. You'll have to find out soon! This is Gir Todafunk, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

Magia Day 2053: It's something to remember

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Magia Day 2053: It's something to remember

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
November 24, 2053


For Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi football team, Magia Day 2053 on Nov. 29, 2053 isn't the final home game for the seniors, although it technically is. That's because if they defeat the UNLV Rebels this weekend, they get one more glorified home game against the champion of the Mountain Division in the Mountain West Conference Championship game.

"We don't think of it as a farewell just yet; maybe for the seniors on the other sports teams but not for us," said quarterback Haruyuki Arita, the first gunslinger to pass for over 20,000 career passing yards and 300 career passing touchdowns. "It will only be our final home game if we lose.

"We're not thinking too much about that happening. This is a team that will not let its fans down. We want to finish the regular season off in grand fashion and put on a show for everybody. In fact, we're more concerned about Miami and Texas relegating us to the Rose Bowl."

"I don't want us to finish third in the final BCS polls like what happened a few years ago," said wide receiver Takumu Mayuzumi. "We won the Rose Bowl, but we would like to end our careers winning another National Championship. The Mountain West isn't as strong as the ACC and the Big XII in terms of talent, but we have good teams out here too, and we happen to be one of them.

"We want to take care of this game and then the conference championship game and hope that either Miami or Texas fall by the end of this month. I want us to face Notre Dame in the BCS Championship Game. Hey, I can dream, can't I?"

"I've enjoyed my time here," said middle linebacker Jeff Nakazawa. "It's been a blast playing with some solid players from across the continent. And I love this university. I've had a great journey and I'm about to finish up. So I want to get this over with and finish in style with the rest of my teammates. We're almost there."

Tickets for the game are sold out. Kickoff is scheduled for 8 p.m. PT/11 p.m. ET and will be televised by City, TVA Sports, ESPN 2, the Mtn., and BBC Five Live and NHK online.

Week 14 2053 Preview

Hey Mr. Wonderful! Todafunk robs Wyoming in broad daylight

Hey Mr. Wonderful! Todafunk robs Wyoming in broad daylight

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
November 22, 2053


They don't call Gir Todafunk "Mr. Wonderful" for nothing. The latest hometown hero for Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi robbed Wyoming Cowboys quarterback Nate Allen as if he was taking lollipops away from Kotori Itsuka, the confection-obsessed wife of Magi defensive line coach Buntarou Okabe. Todafunk had six tackles and seven interceptions as the Magi drubbed Wyoming 255-42 at War Memorial Stadium in Laramie, Wyo.

"Gir's been improving on his pass coverage and I think he had his best performance of the season tonight," said Magi secondary coach Mickey Tsuruta. "He really felt good out there and during warmups he was loose as a goose. It took nine games, but finally we're seeing what this man is capable of."

Quarterback Haruyuki Arita passed for 892 yards and 12 touchdowns while rushing for 95 yards and seven scores. Backup quarterback D.W. Hinoi passed for 203 yards and three majors and rushed for 138 yards and three more scores before leaving the game due to a bruised thigh. Halfback Michael Wilkerson ran for 239 yards and four touchdowns and haldback DeMarcus Washington added 136 rushing yards and five majors.

Wide receiver Jon James caught nine passes for 363 yards and five touchdowns, wideout Takumu Mayuzumi had five catches for 137 yards and three scores, wideout Trey Lester had five receptions for 280 yards and four majors and wideout Matt Lewis added three catches for 89 yards and two touchdowns. James also led the blockers with 22 pancakes.

In addition to Todafunk's heroics, cornerback Bryan Malone and strong safety Nick Malceski added four interceptions. Halfback Kevin Walker returned four kickoffs for 216 yards and a touchdown and also returned eight punts for 195 yards and a score.

Mitakihara improve to 11-0 and return home to host the UNLV Rebels in Magia Day 2053.

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 16.5

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 16.5

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
November 21, 2053


Hey, hey, hey, Mitakihara Town and Mitakihara University! ¡Viva La Familia Magia! This is Gir Todafunk, Mr. Wonderful himself, back with another Weekly Column for the Magi Football Blog and the Daily Magi. I'm in awesome mood today, you know why? MY FIRST NATIONAL PLAYER OF THE WEEK HONOR! WOOO HOOO! Awwwww yeah, I'm feeling the love from ESPN and TSN and everybody in the press. You love me! You really love me degeso! Yeeeeey!

All right, all right, I'm deactivate my fanboy switch right now. Click. So anyway, it feels so awesome to finally be named NCAA Player of the Week for my 10 tackles and three interceptions and six pass deflections. So what if Pierre Horton set the record for most receiving yards in a game? Hawai'i still got crushed doe! But still, that Horton guy was good. I had difficulty eying on that dude when he was on the field. I got a few turnovers, but I could have done better without giving up that record.

Hawai'i was throwing like there was no tomorrow, so credit to them for lighting it up through the air. Of course, we can do the same, and Haru the Pig threw for over 1,000 yards. Oh yes, and we dumped 255 on them. In typical Mitakihara fashion. Remember, members of the Family, we do our best to be awesome. It's our duty.

So, here I am at the Quality Inn & Suites, Laramie. This is a cowboy town. Of course, because Wyoming's teams are called the Cowboys and Cowgirls. Just thinking about Wyoming's women makes me imagine Nana in a cowgirl outfit with daisy dukes and hat. And I take her shorts off and she rides with me into the sunset. Oooooh, I lick my lips just thinking about me. I love Nana. She means everything to me.

I've been investigating this novel dish called Rocky Mountain Oysters. These are calf testicles that are peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, pounded flat and deep-fried. They also go by such dodgy handles as "bull's eggs," "criadillas," "huevos de toro," "cowboy caviar," "Montana tendergroins," "dusted nuts," "bull fries," "swinging beef," "What God Hath Wrought..." All right, I made that last part up.

But the point is this: these things are pretty good. The best place to find these Rocky Mountain Oysters is the Cavalryman Supper Club, 4425 S. 3rd St. Laramie, WY 82070, (307) 745-5551. They also have great prime rib, king crab legs and some delectable center cut bison. Yes, buffalo is farmed and served here because it's Wyoming, duh. Wyoming is full of Republicans and carnivores and carnivore-crazy Republicans looking to feast on a Democratic jackass or two. Yes, it's that real.

The whole team had their welcome dinner at the Supper Club this week, organized by the local Wyoming USA chapter of the Men About Town. People here are friendly and laid back. Well, they have every reason to be because Wyoming's football team is not that good. They are enjoying their basketball team, though. Women's that is. Last year, the Cowgirls edged the Puella Magi in the Mountain West Championship game, and Madoka ended up winning the Women's NIT. First ever. Hopefully, the ladies get their act cleaned up this season.

Pretty short column from me today. Next week, I salute Haru The Pig, Jeff Nakazawa, Takumu, and the rest of the seniors in the Magia Day game. Do look forward to the next column, readers. I'm Gir Todafunk, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

Week 13 2053 Preview

Mitakihara feast on Hawai'i, 255-69

Mitakihara feast on Hawai'i, 255-69

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
November 15, 2053


Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi went all-out on the Hawai'i Rainbow Warriors, storming to a comprehensive 255-69 victory at Aloha Stadium in Honolulu, Hawai'i. Quarterback Haruyuki Arita passed for 1010 yards and 14 touchdowns while rushing for 194 yards and five more scores. Backup quarterback D.W. Hinoi ran for 247 yards and five majors while halfbacks Michael Wilkerson and DeMarcus Washington added three more scores on the ground.

Wide receiver Jon James caught eight passes for 433 yards and six touchdowns, wideout Takumu Mayuzumi caught eight passes for 269 yards and three majors and wideout Trey Lester caught five passes for 225 yards and four scores. James also led the blockers with 20 pancakes

Middle linebacker Jason Evans and cornerback Gir Todafunk each had 10 tackles to lead the defense. Todafunk earned defensive player of the game honors for added three interceptions and six pass deflections. Defensive ends Travis Clark and Derek McGill led the pass rush with four sacks each.

On special teams, backup halfback Kevin Walker was spectacular with 12 kick returns for 806 yards ans six touchdowns, cementing himself as a lock to win the Mosi Tatupu Award for best special teams player. Cornerback Bo Morrow also returned a punt 51 yards for a touchdown. Kicker Yoshino Kousaka had an average day: despite converting all 43 of his extra point attempts, he was 3-for-5 in fiels goals, missing two from beyond 50 yards.

"Yoshino is going to have to do much better with his kicking if he wants to make a push to win the Groza," said special teams coach Flo Southwick. "I don't think he will win it this year because he hasn't had a lot of opportunities to kick field goals, but if he works on his accuracy and distance, he will win it later on in his career."

Madoka improve to 10-0 and are back in action next week against the Wyoming Cowboys in the final game of a three-game road trip.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 16

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 16

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
November 14, 2053


Aloha, readers of The Daily Magi and the Magi Football Blog. This your local boy, Gir Todafunk, back at ya once again with another Weekly Column for the Freshest of the Fresh. Well, there goes another game with me not being on the stats sheet. I think I am looking at sinking down the depth chart next year, this has been a quiet sesason for me. But, as long as we're winning and I enjoy blogging these columns, I can't complain.

So we're here at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel, the Pink Palace as it is known. I have been told by Coach Kaname that whenever we play Hawai'i on the islands, we stay at the Royal Hawaiian because it's in the colors of our school. I can't complain about this hotel: many famous people from around the world stayed. So does this mean...we're famous too? Ohhhhhh my! I have stars in my eyes just thinking about it! +_+

So, the scene now shifts from those tasty California carne asada burritos...to plate lunches! Basically, it's two scoops of rice, macaroni salad, some shredded cabbage, and your choice of entree. This is something that goes back to the plantation era of the 19th century. Something like that. It's the official dish of the state, and there are so many establishments that serve plate lunches. In terms of the rice, I go brown, as with all the players on the team. It's the rule.

Now that brings up an important question: which places get the Gir of Approval? So many options, so little time. The key here is finding the best quality, the best value and the portion size fit for the appetite of men like myself and Nyaruko, who led the team in tackles last week. Gee, you sure burned those burritos wikiwiki, eh braddah?

So, with that said, I now disclose my top five place to eat a plate lunch on the island of O'ahu. 

5. Koi Catering & Takeout, 2028 Dillingham Blvd., Honolulu, HI, 96819 (808) 845-4564

This is located in Kalihi. My recommended entree for this place is the Koi bento with steak, garlic chicken and ahi. Only issue is the restaurant's air conditioning, but then again, this is the islands, trade winds outside do make up for it. I don't mind; I spend the dog days of summer in hotter weather than this. What's that? You say it's November. Lemme tell ya, the heat is always the same in Hawai'i. It's just the rain and winds that make the difference, which isn't much.

4. Yama's Fish Market, 2332 Young St., Honolulu, HI, 96826 (808) 941-9994

Mo'ili'ili in the house for this list on TDM and the MFB. Great, solid menu, although the price may turn some penny-pinchers off. Portions are man-sized, which justify the price to an extent. I've noticed that a lot of plate lunch frequenting locals out here judge an establishment by the ahi and lau lau served. I've tried both those options and they're pretty impressive. Poke, lomi salmon and shoyu chicken are also big hits at Yama's.

3. Onotogo, 920 Sheridan St., Honolulu, HI 96814 (808) 673-3933

A funny thing happened after our first practice on the island two days ago. When we were heading to the hotel, we saw this Onotogo food truck passing by. Onotogo is a contraction of the Hawaiian work "ono," meaning "delicious," and the words "to go." Clever. All of us quickly checked into our rooms, and then we formed a bee-line to get our fill. And that was our first-ever brush with the plate lunch phenomenon. Well, actually, there are plate lunch establishments in M-Town, but I only pass by them. Pulehu short ribs, teriyaki citrus furukake salmon, pulled pork and tuna are the calling cards of Onotogo. Better catch dat truck!

2. Rainbow Drive-In, 3308 Kanaina Ave., Honolulu, HI 96815 (808) 737-0177

This Kaimuki hangout is a favorite among the locals because many have eaten here since they were kids. They grew up on this. It's that big of a deal out here. Loco moco is a hamburger with a sunny-side up egg and gravy, and the best loco moco is at Rainbow Drive-In. Ironically, the Loco Moco was invented on the Big Island of Hawaii, my personal favorite of the islands. I'm a sucker for the color red, and truly believe that the University of Hawai'i-Hilo is the better of the two universities in the UH System. But I digress. Anyway, the shoyu chicken is top notch, the chili plate has a kick, and the corned beef hash with egg to boot gives this place the Gir of Approval. 

1. Alicia's Market, 267 Mokauea St., Honolulu, HI, 96819 (808) 841-1921

Behold, the mecca of plate lunch zeitgeist. The roast pork and masago wasabi poke at this place is designed to blow your mind and is their flagship entree. In addition, the service at this place is basically what you would see at any restaurant in Mitakihara Town. Friendly staff and cute faces. Gotta have those to drive serious business. The butter mochi and banana bread is to die for, as is the top sirloin. And of course, the poke is world class. Thus, Alicia's is No. 1 on this list and gets my personal Gir of Approval. And also, I declare Kalihi as the best Honolulu community to get a really good plate lunch. Hands down. Take a bow, you guys.

I'm tempted to return back to Alicia's for a game-day meal, but I gotta save my stomach for schooling some footballing locals tomorrow. Next week, I am going to investigate an unusual form of fare in Laramie known as Rocky Mountain Oysters. Oooooh, this should be good. Till next time, I am Gir, signing off. You are not alone...

Week 12 2053 Preview

Mitakihara drub San Diego State, 243-7

Mitakihara drub San Diego State, 243-7

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
November 8, 2053


Quarterback Haruyuki Arita passed for 581 yards and 11 touchdowns while rushing for 144 yards and another score as Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi pulverized the San Diego State Aztecs, 243-7 at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego, Calif. Arita now has 19,894 passing yards in his career and just needs 106 yards through the air to reach the 20,000-yard mark. He would be the first-ever quarterback to reach this milestone, and he gets a chance to do it against Hawai'i at Aloha Stadium.

Fullback Hearst Helmsley had a breakout performance, rushing for 164 yards and five touchdowns. Halfback Michaelk Wilkerson ran for 207 yards and four scores while halfback DeMarcus Washoington added four more short touchdown runs. Wide receiver Trey Lester had seven receptions for 191 yards and five majors, wideout Takumu Mayuzumi had five catches for 139 yards and three touchdowns and wideout Jon James had five catches for 169 yards and two scores.

James led the blockers with 21 pancakes, while wideout Matt Lewis added 15 pancakes. Cornerback Nathan Sims had a solid day out with 11 tackles and sack but it was the heroics of defensive tackle LaRon Wright that really delivered. Wright had 10 tackles and nine sacks to pace a deadly pass rush for the Magi.

"We had a good balance of passing and running and the boys showed up ready to contribute," Coach Kaname said. "We're going to stay in California for a few more days then hop on a plane to the islands to get ready for Hawai'i. It won't be a vacation trip for our boys; they know this is all business."

Mitakihara improve to 9-0.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 15

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 15

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
November 7, 2053


¿Que pasa, mis amigos por La Daily Magi y el Magi Football Blog? Yeah, I am so bad at Spanish, I am hardcore Gringo to the hilt and damn proud of it! Anyway, this is your buddy, cornerback Gir Todafunk of Tatsuya Kaname's world-woodshed-beating Mitakihara Magi Football team...back with another Weekly Column. This week, we're talking burritos.

Yes, burritos. But not just any burrito, mind. I'm talking about the San Diego variety. Yes, I know about the Mission Burrito, which is what you commonly see in M-Town, but—and I say but—have you heard of the San Diego Burrito? It's about the same size, slightly smaller, with a flour tortilla as its base...but it includes carne asada, fries, cheese, cilantro, pico de gallo, sour cream, onion and guacamole. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

See, I'm a heavy eater. I burn my calories playing sports, but I am a foodie, and I like great restaurants that are known for serving the best in their area. So, I would like to disclose my top five restaurants in San Diego that serve the best San Diego/California burritos. Here we go.

5. Vallarta Express, 4277 Genesee Ave, San Diego, CA (858) 569-6945

This place fulfills the minimum standards of what I know constitutes as a San Diego burrito. The place looks super clean, there's a wide variety of choices (yes, they have the Mission variety, too), and the portions are man-sized. If you big guys are heading to San Diego to check out the scenery, this is a good place to start.

4. Lolita's Taco Shop, multiple locations

This is a chain that hails from the nearby suburb of Chula Vista, known for churning out some Little League teams that got game. They are consistent in terms of quality and taste. You should also check out their pollo asado and hot sauce, it will blow your mind. Maybe towards nearby Imperial County if you're not too careful. Great place, and a solid San Diego burrito.

3. El Indio Mexican Restaurant & Catering, 3695 India St., San Diego, CA (619) 299-0333

Another restaurant with man-sized meals. Aside from having a San Diego burritos that exceeds my high standards in terms of taste and quality, the taquitos and flautas are sublime, as well as the taco salad. The next time I come back, I may sample their carnitas burrito, which is a personal favorite of Nathan "Nyaruko" Sims, who happens to be a gormandizer like me.

2. El Zarape Mexican Restaurant, 4642 Park Blvd., San Diego, CA (619) 692-1652

This place tends to be pretty busy on the weekends, according to the owner, but it's pretty good in terms of quality burritos. They make everything from scratch, and awesome carne asada makes for an awesome San Diego burrito. The fish burritos here are not too bad, but they can't hold up to our versions up in M-Town. Can't beat that king salmon!

1. Lucha Libre Taco Shop, 1810 W. Washington St., San Diego, CA (619)296-8226

This is the place where we had our welcome meal, and for good reason. The best San Diego Burrito in town comes from Lucha Libre. It was so good, I not only ordered two at the dinner...I'm even eating one right now with all the fixins as I type this to blog. The burritos at Lucha Libre would give Mitakihara's counterparts a run for their money. Great quality, everything made from scratch...really this is a gormandizer's wet dream. Mitakihara Family, this place gets my Gir of Approval. Head down here. You won't regret it.

And with that, I wrap up this week's Weekly Column from yours truly, Gir Todafunk. Stay tuned for next week's weekly column, where I investigate the best plate lunches on the island of O'ahu! Signing off till then. You are not alone!

Week 11 2053 Preview

Back to the ol' bread and butter as Madoka punish Fresno

Back to the ol' bread and butter as Madoka punish Fresno

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
November 1, 2053


Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi went back to the option after airing it out for weeks on end and it resulted in an easy 108-7 victory for the Magi over the Fresno State Bulldogs at Mitakihara Stadium in Mitakihara Town, B.C. Quarterback Haruyuki Arita led the way, passing for 83 yards and two touchdowns while rushing for 208 yards and six more scores.

Halfback Michael Wilkerson was an effective changeup, rushing for 61 yards and a score. Backup quarterback D.W. Hinoi, fullback Hearst Helmsley and halfback DeMarcus Washington also had a major on the ground. Washington led all receivers with three catches for 31 yards and a touchdown and wide receiver Jon James also added another receiving touchdown.

Wide receiver Takumu Mayuzumi led the blockers with six pancakes, while defensive end Ryan Hodge paced an aggressive pass rush with six sacks. Cornerback Gir Todafunk also returned an interception 19 yards for a touchdown.

"Yeah, we decided to take it easy this week and focus on the run," Coach Kaname said after the game. "We've spent a lot of weeks passing the ball and while it's nice to see our three top receivers vie for the Biletnikoff, our ground game is the reason why we have been successful. As I said many times before, we want balance, and today, we were able to established a balanced attack.

"It would have been really good for us if we didn't let up at the end, but I support it was sportsmanlike on our part to let Fresno State score late."

Mitakihara improve to 8-0 and now embark on a three-game road trip, starting next week against San Diego State.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 14

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 14

By Gir Todafunk
Special To The Daily Magi
October 31, 2053


Happy Halloween, readers on the The Daily Magi and the Magi Football Blog. I am Gir Todafunk with another Weekly Column, and this week, we are facing the Fresno State Bulldogs in a game that has been deemed the Game of the Week by ESPN. Not sure why; Fresno are 2-5 on the year and have truly sucked. Oh well. Going to be another cakewalk for us, I guess.

Anyway, what about that Haruyuki Arita, eh? He is now College Football's all-time leading passer, with 19,230 yards to his credit. Simply amazing. Over three miles worth of distance. He's got speed, shiftiness, and a cannon of an arm. I think he's going to ease his way to 20,000 passing yards for his career. He's got all of November and at least one more game in the postseason to get it done. Congrats to The Pig on finally making history.

As for me, I finally got my dues. I got a tackle and four interceptions. Woo hoo! First-ever conference Player of the Week Award. Such a wonderful honor bestowed on Mr. Wonderful. Too bad some unknown dude from North Texas (where is that?) ended up winning national player the week honors. But it's a good start, and hopefully, I can add a few more honors before this season is over. I don't understand why it took this long for me to finally get my dues.

I think we got, like, 28 interceptions that game. We sent Boise to the woodshed that game and hung 255 on them. That's four opponents that we dumped over 200 points on. We're a powerhouse, a big, tough, in-your-face powerhouse that doesn't take any mess from anybody. We come at you hard and we deliver early and often. That's Magi football right there.

I don't think we're going to be too troubled by what Fresno State intends to do. We're most likely going to put the ball on the ground and run it down their throats. Not a lot of razzle-dazzle. It's back to the old option packages, with maybe a few pass plays but only as a changeup.

Hopefully I get a few more picks and a lot more tackles this season before it's a done deal. I can't wait for the road trip, when we head to San Diego, Honolulu and Laramie in the span of three weeks. That's it for me on this blog but stay tuned next week as I get to savor some of the burritos in San Diego. I'm Gir, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Week 10 2053 Preview

Arita passes Keenum as Madoka dump 255 on Boise

Arita passes Keenum as Madoka dump 255 on Boise

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
October 25, 2053


It took a 149-point first quarter and change, but Haruyuki Arita became college football's all-time leading passer, throwing for 816 yards and 12 touchdowns while rushing for another as Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi ran it up on the Boise State Broncos, 255-24, at Bronco Stadium, in Boise, Idaho. Arita now had 19,230 passing yards and is 770 yards away from becoming the first college quarterback to pass for 20,000 yards in a career.

When asked if there was a push to put him in rarified air, The Pig downplayed such certainties.

"I don't think there is a lot of pressure on me now to hit 20,000 passing yards, not really," Arita said after the game to the media. "Now it's just about winning games and running the offense normally. We're not going to air it out as often like we did the first nine weeks, including today. You'll see more of the run from this point forward.

"I mean, it's nice to get the record, but we're only 7-0. We got a big November stretch coming up, and now it's going to be about winning the games and running out style of football."

Halfback Michael Wilkerson ran for 186 yards and six touchdowns, halfback Beau Day ran for 216 yards and three scores and halfback DeMarcus Washington ran for 11 yards and five more majors. Wide receiver Takumu Mayuzumi caught seven passes for 334 yards and five touchdowsn, while wideout Jon James added 200 receiving yards and three scores. James also led the blockers with 25 pancakes, while wideout Matt Lewis added 22.

Mitakihara delivered its strongest defensive performance yet, hauling in 29 turnovers, including 28 interceptions. Cornerbacks Bryan Malone and Gir Todafunk had four interceptions, while linebacker Josh Fine added three picks. Seven other players on defense had two picks each, while the team's leader tackler was middle linebacker Chauncey Wilson with 11.

Madoka improve to 7-0 and return home to kick off a grueling November schedule against the Fresno State Bulldogs.

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 13

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 13

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
October 24, 2053


What's going on, folks. Gir Todafunk, a.k.a. Mr. Wonderful, strikes with another Weekly Column for your wonderful readers on The Daily Magi and The Magi Football Blog. I am holding, in my hands as I type (wow, is that possible?) a magic number. It's the number 804. That is the number of passing yards Haruyuki Arita needs to pass Case Keenum and become college football's all-time leading passer.

He just throw the ball normally, go over just 400 yards in the next two games and he gets it done. But since this is a road game, and Haru loves violating opponents on the road like a pimp...this could fall by the end of the month. Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my!

So right now, I am making the boldest of predictions: that Haruyuki will enter the new frontier of 20,000 passing yards against San Diego State. He's going to take it easy against Fresno, I can tell you that. But once we hit that November road trip, The Pig's hitting 20K for his career. And then after that, we could be going back to catching up on our running game and you will be seeing more running plays for us. But right now, we got a record to break and a frontier to cross.

Now, this could all come crashing down if Boise State's defense somehow pulls off a miracle and injures Haru for a long period of time. So, this is on our offensive line not doing anything stupid and blocking the lights out. If Haru can break the record unhurt, that's a feather in our cap because we don't have some average joe defense crashing the party irreparably. Of course, it could also be Haru's own undoing if he scrambles too much. So he has to be extra careful when it comes to these sorts of things.

One thing that intrigues me about my conference is Boise State and their blue turf. The only school in this division to have blue turf is Boise State. Years ago, it was an advantage to have this type of surface. Nowadays, a lot of other schools have turf that is not green.

You know what would be awesome? We have a Rose Turf Field. A rose-colored field with pink endzones and white text. I could pleasure Nana on it. Better than a bed of roses, and you can play football in it! Speaking of which, next season, Hakurei Centre will get a rose turf surface. They're getting rid of the old green FieldTurf, and going with the school colors. Hash lines are still white, but the main color is Rose. Pink end zones with white text, and a decidedly feminine charm.

Oooooh, I just get naughty vibes just thinking about how our practices are going to be. We're staying at the Grove Hotel, one of the more upscale hotels in downtown Boise. We are enjoying the nice views, and right now, I am snacking on a big bucket of fries from the Boise Fry Company, replete with a variety of dips and a burger. Yes, I am that low on starch.

So, with that, I wrap up my Weekly Report to you all and look forward to chatting with you next week, when dem doggies from Fresno come rolling in to M-Town. Til next time, this is Gir, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

Week 9 2053 Preview

Mitakihara lay century egg on Nevada

Mitakihara lay century egg on Nevada

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
October 18, 2053


In another driving rainstorm, Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi were on fire, shutting out the Nevada Wolf Pack 100-0 at Mitakihara Stadium in Mitakihara, B.C. Quarterback Haruyuki Arita is closing in on the all-time career passing record set by Case Keenum of Houston way back in 20111, throwing for 386 yards and five touchdowns while rushing for 95 yards and three more scores. 

Keenum's career passing yards record is 19,217 yards. Arita currently has 18,414 passing yards. The Pig needs 804 passing yards to break the record. Given that he has torched defenses on the road, that record could fall next week againsst Boise State. But is Arita interested about the record?

"Record? I just want to make sure I don't get sidelined with an injury," said The Pig after the game. "I want to do whatever it takes to win games. It would be nice to be the first-ever quarterback to pass for 20,000 yards in a college football career, but it isn't my priority. My priority is to win games for the Mitakihara Magi and to finish my coursework. That's all.

"The record is of no importance to me. I want to win and stay healthy doing it."

Halfback DeMarcus Washington passed for 89 yards and six touchdowns, wide receiver Trey Lester caught four passes for 125 yards and two majors and wideout Takumu Mayuzumi caught four passes for 170 yards and two more scores. Wide receiver Jon James led the blockers with nine pancakes, while linebacker John Fine led the defense with seven tackles and two sacks.

Mitakihara improve to 6-0 on the year.

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 12

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 12

By Gir Todafunk
Special to The Daily Magi
October 17, 2053


Hello, readers of TDM and TDM's Magi Football Blog. I am Gir Todafunk, back at ya with another weekly column. So now we are at the meat and potatoes of the schedule. We got three home games and four road games, and a road trip in the middle of November. That's seven weeks of nonstop, in-your-face football. We get to check out places like Boise's blue turf, the kick-ass burritos in San Diego (yeah!), the sultry, orgasmic warmth of Hawai'i (double yeah!) and the chilly altitude of Wyoming (triple bleh!).

That is a hilarious switch in climates. One week, we are on the warm beaches of the islands, the next week, we're in the mountains of Wyoming in the snow, presumably. Oh my! That is the Mountain West scheduling in a nutshell. The best teams in the league are able to win regardless of the conditions. And there is only one team that is capable, according the Law of Gir, of fulfilling the aforementioned prerequisite.

Take a guess. Still confused? Come on, readers, you know it's us. After all, we do our best to be awesome. However, there are a few people who do news columns that NOT awesome, and those aforementioned people are the pollsters.

We're No. 3 in the AP and USA Today polls. What gives? Why are Miami and Texas ahead of us? We are capable of crushing them at their own houses. We just couldn't prove it because of the scheduling. This could all be fixed if we went independent, but we wouldn't be going to the Rose Bowl. And you know how much Gir loves roses. Mmmm.

I mean, I like to shower Nana in bed of rose petals, and watch her sleep, her shiny underwear glistening in the sunlight, and I lay next to her, and we both melt...innocently...

Well, that's just my virile imagination going viral for your readers on this weekly column, but the point is, I love Pasadena and if we don't make it to the BCS title game but we win the conference, I'm fine with going to the Rose Bowl. Vancouver is the Los Angeles of Canada just like Los Angeles is the Vancouver of the USA. Hollywood film sets, peoples.

Of course, I'm not even going to be thinking about that. We're only in Week 8 of the season, and Nevada up next. I wonder how many passing yards Haruyuki is going to throw in this one. I hope he just throws for maybe 400 and that's it. 

No recruits are coming to campus this week and we've nearly filled up our spots. The coaches just need to sign three more plebes, and they're done for recruiting for next season. I can't believe we signed so many people after Week 7. Seven recruits committed to Madoka after last week passed, so now we have 22 commits out of a maximum of 25. And we have all the players we need at a number of positions. I'm just worries that some of the other new players will be thinking about transferring after the season's over. Cross your fingers.

Next week, I get to investigate that blue turf at Bronco Stadium. That started the niche trend of colored turf in a number of places that play gridiron. Look forward to it on the next Weekly Column! I'm Gir, a.k.a. Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone. 

Did I say that right? Yes, yes I did.

Week 8 2053 Preview

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 11

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 11

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
October 10, 2053


How's everybody, y'all? I'm Gir Todafunk, once again with another Weekly Column for The Daily Magi newspaper and TDM's Magi Football Blog. Well, I didn't even register in the stat sheet one damn bit. In fact, the entire team didn't really get to work until the second half. But I did take one thing out of all this: shitty performances like that in the first half piss Coach Kaname off to no end.

I mean, the fans were booing as we headed to the locker room. They were just as mad he was. One old geezer was brave enough to saying, "You thieving sons of bitches, you took our money, you should be ashamed of yourselves!" I shot back saying, "Piss off to your retirement home, old man, we don't want you nutters out here at Madoka, get lost!" He was eventually escorted out by police, and he was intoxicated to boot.

He didn't get to see the second half, thank goodness. But in the locker room, we heard it from Coach. Guy was incensed. He let us hear it. He was like, "clean up your fucking act or you're on the bench next game. Just because we wear pink doesn't mean we should play like the B.C. Angels," and all that.

I don't know. I don't know why we performed like that, but I hope that doesn't happen when we face Nevada. We got the bye week to work on our little kinks to iron out, and so on before we face the Wolf Pack. Nevada have had a decent year, but they aren't as good as their southern neighbors UNLV, who we have our Magia Day game against in November.

I am actually looking forward to the UNLV game. Coach Mao runs a similar offense in the spread option. Our Puella Magi Option is another form of the spread option, but with more flexbone and wingbone. Of course, that game's a long ways away. We want to focus on the original University of Nevada, the one in Reno, who we are facing in a little over a week.

Haru passed for a little over 400 yards last week against Utah State, so if he comes up with similar numbers against Nevada, he's going to need about 800 or 900 yards against Boise State, and he can throw for that many in the first half easily. Oh yes, and Rick did get a punt off, 76 yards and a touchback, it seems. Confirmed. Man, what a leg.

So, with that said, that's all from me for this week. Tune in to the next Weekly Column, where I assess our current ranking in the polls. Sliding just a little bit, but we're still Top 5. Till next time, I am Mr. Wonderful, Gir, signing off. You are not alone.

Week 7 2053 Preview

Madoka explode in second half to punch Utah State, 63-3

Madoka explode in second half to punch Utah State, 63-3

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
October 4, 2053


After a dismal first half which saw Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi eke out a 7-3 halftime lead, Coach Kaname let his players hear it inside the locker room at Hakurei Centre.

"That was a shit performance, shit results, gentlemen," Coach Kaname said. "You are all better than this. I want that changed when the second half begins. Haru, throw the ball with better accuracy, as if your life depends on it. And defense, go after their quarterback and punish him. Whatever you do, I want those fuckers humilated. Destroy them all. Now quit fucking around and get to work. We're not messing around here any more. Let's go!"

Coach Kaname's passionate, yet vulgar rhetoric was effective, as the Magi reeled in 56 unaswered points en route to a 63-3 smashing of the Utah State Aggies at Mitakihara Stadium in Mitakihara Town, B.C. Quarterback Haruyuki Arita, despite throwing two interceptions, passed for 416 yards and seven touchdowns while rushing for 70 yards and another score. 

Wide receiver Trey Lester led the receivers with four catches fopr 171 yards and three touchdowns while wideout Jon James added three catches for 97 yards and two majors. Wideout Matt Lewis led the blockers with nine pancakes. Defensive tackle LaRon Wright led the pass rush with four sacks on the day.

Mitakihara improve to 5-0 and take the week off before returning to action on October 18 against the Nevada Wolf Pack at home.

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 10

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 10

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
October 3, 2053


Happy Madoka Day to you all, readers on the Mitakihara Magi Football Blog and the Daily Magi newspaper and happy birthday, Dr. Madoka Kaname! I am Gir Todafunk, back with another Weekly Column for you all to savor and enjoy like cotton candy. Today marks the 43rd anniversary of the founding of this school. Man, have the times changed. Society moves quicker, things are more advanced, life is more sexier...it's awesome, and I'm lovin' it.

What I'm not loving is two things: we were limited to 49 points last week against Air Force, and I only got a pass deflection. That's it. The Air Force QB doesn't want to throw it to me. He wants to throw it to Nyaruko, who had seven tackles and a pick. I've given up. Nathan Sims is taking the Thorpe. I'm just an observer. Maybe if Haru finally breaks Case's record, I might get some chances at picks and tackles; I've been quiet all season after four games.

Anyway, I do want to wish Dr. Madoka a belated 57th birthday today. She's a wonderful old lady, still radiant as ever, still a beacon of hope for us all. Without her, I wouldn't be attending this university and this university wouldn't have existed. All the best, my Goddess.

Now then, I want to talk about a couple other players on the team who are freshman outside of the Cornerbacks Crew. They are strong safety Nick Malceski and punter Rick Eagle. I want to talk about Rick first. He is actually an eagle that was reborn as a human being, born and raised in Perth, Western Australia. He moved to Canada when he was 13 after the living conditions in Perth started to take a turn for the worse.

Rick wanted to be a punter for the Magi because he wanted to exercise his legs ahead of the time when he elects to return to Perth and play for West Coast. Also the fact that he could never get a scholarship playing Aussie Rules, so he decided, no, I'll just be a punter on a gridiron team. He's yet to see action because our offense has been finishing off way too many drives. Come on offense, slow down so that Rick The Rock can get some time booting the ball!

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Rick's wife is a sweet young lady by the name of Haruka Suenaga. She comes from Tokyo but is very fluent in English and speaks with a British tone. She loves the West Coast Eagles and her bubbly personality is a match for Rick. Rick and Ruka (as I like to call Haruka) have been together for over a year and they're married. She plans to move to Australia after they graduate. Ruka's majoring in Computer Science.

Nick's the grandson of the Sydney Swan by the same name. He's a Swannies fan and often goes around town in his grandfather's jumper so as to form a makeshift vest. Like Rick, Nick decided to play gridiron because it's a scholarship sport here in the States, and he can catch the ball and has the same type of speed and athleticism of his old man. By the way, Nick and Rick were on my high school football team, along with the other mates from the Cornerbacks Crew.

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Nick's wife is Ruka's older sister Mirai. I sometimes mispronounce her name as Maria because she look like what a girl named Maria should be: perfect proportions, accountable and self-sufficient, capable of raising kids...Nick and Mirai are planning to move to Sydney after they graduate. Mirai's an East Asian Studies major, but the one thing that Nick's had to put up with is that she is a GWS fan.

Now, our university Aussie rules team has a longterm partnership with Greater Western Sydney. Indeed, our secondary fight song, "The Mighty Magi," borrows the tune of "The Mighty Giants." Because GWS has become the dominant of the two Sydney teams for the past two decades, Mirai has enjoyed being the woman on top during their intimate moments. Nick doesn't mind though. He points out that it's more of an evenly competitive rivalry now, and every time both teams head out to the Showgrounds or the Sydney Football Stadium, it's always fun to watch those two argue at who is better and who is best.

I will let you know that among the two Sydney teams...I like GWS more. Their song is original, and we borrowed their tune for one of ours. End of story.

So, now with all that said, that really is all from me for this week. We're taking on Utah State tomorrow, and I think Haruyuki is going to take it easy this week and not overwork himself towards getting that record, but you never know. Come out to the game tomorrow at the Stadium; we're gonna need your support. And hope that Rick The Rock finally gets a chance to punt. Till next time, I'm Mr. Wonderful, Gir, signing off. You are not alone.

Week 6 2053 Preview

Mitakihara roll past Air Force, 49-10

Mitakihara roll past Air Force, 49-10

By Sakura Honda
The Daily Magi
September 27, 2053


Tatsuya Kaname's Mitakihara Magi were held to just 49 points by the Air Force Falcons, but it was still a decisive victory as they moved down the Zoomies on Homecoming 2053 to the tune of 49-10 at Mitakihara Stadium in Mitakihara Town, B.C. Quarterback Haruyuki Arita passed for 241 yards and four touchdowns while rushing for 85 yards and another major.

Halfback DeMarcus Washington ran for 123 yards and two more scores, wide receiver Trey Lester caught seven passes for 94 yards and two touchdowns, and both wideouts Matt Lewis and Takumu Mayuzumi also caught passes for majors. Mayuzumi also led the blockers with 12 pancakes. Cornerback Nathan Sims has had a fantastic year playing defense for the Magi, and he led the way with seven tackles and an interception.

"We had a good week of practice and great buildup towards the game," said Coach Kaname after the contest. "Our guys knew they would be tested by Air Force and we needed a balanced performance. Haru looked great and I think he decided to take it easy this week. Overall, a solid effort and we look forward to continuing that next week."

Mitakihara improve to 4-0 and will host the Utah State Aggies next week.