Thursday, September 26, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 10

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 10

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
October 3, 2053

Happy Madoka Day to you all, readers on the Mitakihara Magi Football Blog and the Daily Magi newspaper and happy birthday, Dr. Madoka Kaname! I am Gir Todafunk, back with another Weekly Column for you all to savor and enjoy like cotton candy. Today marks the 43rd anniversary of the founding of this school. Man, have the times changed. Society moves quicker, things are more advanced, life is more's awesome, and I'm lovin' it.

What I'm not loving is two things: we were limited to 49 points last week against Air Force, and I only got a pass deflection. That's it. The Air Force QB doesn't want to throw it to me. He wants to throw it to Nyaruko, who had seven tackles and a pick. I've given up. Nathan Sims is taking the Thorpe. I'm just an observer. Maybe if Haru finally breaks Case's record, I might get some chances at picks and tackles; I've been quiet all season after four games.

Anyway, I do want to wish Dr. Madoka a belated 57th birthday today. She's a wonderful old lady, still radiant as ever, still a beacon of hope for us all. Without her, I wouldn't be attending this university and this university wouldn't have existed. All the best, my Goddess.

Now then, I want to talk about a couple other players on the team who are freshman outside of the Cornerbacks Crew. They are strong safety Nick Malceski and punter Rick Eagle. I want to talk about Rick first. He is actually an eagle that was reborn as a human being, born and raised in Perth, Western Australia. He moved to Canada when he was 13 after the living conditions in Perth started to take a turn for the worse.

Rick wanted to be a punter for the Magi because he wanted to exercise his legs ahead of the time when he elects to return to Perth and play for West Coast. Also the fact that he could never get a scholarship playing Aussie Rules, so he decided, no, I'll just be a punter on a gridiron team. He's yet to see action because our offense has been finishing off way too many drives. Come on offense, slow down so that Rick The Rock can get some time booting the ball!

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Rick's wife is a sweet young lady by the name of Haruka Suenaga. She comes from Tokyo but is very fluent in English and speaks with a British tone. She loves the West Coast Eagles and her bubbly personality is a match for Rick. Rick and Ruka (as I like to call Haruka) have been together for over a year and they're married. She plans to move to Australia after they graduate. Ruka's majoring in Computer Science.

Nick's the grandson of the Sydney Swan by the same name. He's a Swannies fan and often goes around town in his grandfather's jumper so as to form a makeshift vest. Like Rick, Nick decided to play gridiron because it's a scholarship sport here in the States, and he can catch the ball and has the same type of speed and athleticism of his old man. By the way, Nick and Rick were on my high school football team, along with the other mates from the Cornerbacks Crew.

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Nick's wife is Ruka's older sister Mirai. I sometimes mispronounce her name as Maria because she look like what a girl named Maria should be: perfect proportions, accountable and self-sufficient, capable of raising kids...Nick and Mirai are planning to move to Sydney after they graduate. Mirai's an East Asian Studies major, but the one thing that Nick's had to put up with is that she is a GWS fan.

Now, our university Aussie rules team has a longterm partnership with Greater Western Sydney. Indeed, our secondary fight song, "The Mighty Magi," borrows the tune of "The Mighty Giants." Because GWS has become the dominant of the two Sydney teams for the past two decades, Mirai has enjoyed being the woman on top during their intimate moments. Nick doesn't mind though. He points out that it's more of an evenly competitive rivalry now, and every time both teams head out to the Showgrounds or the Sydney Football Stadium, it's always fun to watch those two argue at who is better and who is best.

I will let you know that among the two Sydney teams...I like GWS more. Their song is original, and we borrowed their tune for one of ours. End of story.

So, now with all that said, that really is all from me for this week. We're taking on Utah State tomorrow, and I think Haruyuki is going to take it easy this week and not overwork himself towards getting that record, but you never know. Come out to the game tomorrow at the Stadium; we're gonna need your support. And hope that Rick The Rock finally gets a chance to punt. Till next time, I'm Mr. Wonderful, Gir, signing off. You are not alone.

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