Thursday, September 19, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 3

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 3

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
August 15, 2053

Hey hey hey, everybody! It's Mr. Wonderful once again, Gir Todafunk, here with another weekly column for the Daily Magi and the Magi Football Blog. Man. I am so fucking tired. The coaches really worked our asses this training camp. I did not think that it was going to get this hot here in Mitakihara Town, but man, it's been nothing but scorching heat, 24/7.

That the mystique of the Dog Days of Summer. You spend all those hours in camp working on nothing but drills, technique, skills, and viewing game film. We're taking a good look at Texas A&M, the university that is the home of Johnny Manziel, this one tragic figure from the school who played quarterback and lost his life in an auto accident last month back in Texas. At the game in New York that we'll be in come Aug. 30, there's gonna be a moment of silence for Johnny Football, as he known out there.

I never knew Johnny personally, but I imagined that he was a legend for all the right reasons and an anti-hero for all the wrong reasons. Whatever, he's from Texas and I'm from B.C. and I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, my secondary coach is this guy named Mickey Tsuruta, the IPS son of two mahjong players, Himeko Tsuruta and Mairu Shirouzu. He has this one daughter named Kouko, or Kooh as he likes to call her, and she often drops by to visit the team and offer words of encouragement.

She often pretends to be a pirate, but then I found out yesterday that Kouko is actually the reincarnation of the golfer of the same name from Pangya, a simulation game, and her father in that Coach Tsuruta. Could you believe that? And Dr. Kaname, the chancellor of the school, verified the discovery.

Wow. I couldn't believe it myself. So now that they were reunited, Kooh has a goal of being admitted to Madoka and playing on the Puella Magi women's golf team, maybe even trying her luck in the LPGA. It's a big dream, but little 10-year old girls often have that. I think she'll do it. It's just a matter of time.

Back to camp, though. The coaching staff tends to run us into the ground because they want to see if we are willing to sacrifice our bodies to win and win big. That has been the case with all the teams that came before us. If we have the desire, if we have the drive, if we have the moxie and all that stuff, we're going to do the work and exceed the expectations of Coach Kaname, Coach Tsuruta and everybody.

I guess, now that we already got camp out of the way, we can prepare for Texas A&M. The game is going to be held at MetLife Stadium in New York-actually, East Rutherford, N.J. and will be part of a long road trip to start the year. We got a tough nonconference schedule: we start out with No. 1 Texas A&M, then we fly over to Provo to face BYU, ranked No. 7...and then we have to fly back east to face No. 2 Penn State.

That's a lot of frequent flyer miles. I may not feel my legs by the time this road trip is over. Good God. I'll try to keep the sightseeing to a minimum. Well, the team has to so that they don't get distracted.

But for now, I am praising Madoka that this training camp is finally over and I can get some rest. That's it for me on this weekly column. Next week, the countdown continues. In the words of Bart Scott, "Can't Wait!" Till next time, this is Gir, signing off. You are not alone.

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