Thursday, October 3, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 26

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 26

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
July 17, 2054


How's everyone doin'? I'm Gir Todafunk with another Weekly Column for the Magi Football Blog and the Daily Magi. We're putting on those chinstraps and going through some intense practices. Hard hits, hard action, hard emotion...and a lot of heat and sweat and work. This is all work for us. Sport can be work, but it can also be fun if you get the folks fired up.

Like, for example, yesterday I was jawing with Nyaruko, a.k.a. Nathan Sims, on an interception that he dropped. As he was heading to the bench, I told that fucker, "Hey, you need to make up for that shit, man."
He was like, "What I do?"
"Do your best Nyaruko impersonation for the new guys here."
What he did afterwards was unbelievable. He went to one of the nearby water girls, kissed her, then he said, "SMOOCH YEAH!" Everybody was hooting and hollering and jumping around Nyaruko. They were chanting, "Nyaruko! Nyaruko! Nyaruko!" I couldn't bear to watch. I just trudged back to the locker room.

If that guy gets more interceptions than me, he's toast. I'm just kidding, I just like to pick on him because of his swag, that's all.

We lost a few wide receivers, but we do have some new faces that entered the fray. One of them is Patrick Cox, a freshman wide receiver from Key Largo. Last year, he was a standout for the Hurricanes of Coral Shores High, catching 104 passes for 1527 yards and 23 touchdowns. Notre Dame, Penn State, Navy and USC wanted him. But he ended up with us instead.

Another wideout that's going to get a lot of playing time for us is Ethan Brink, who hails from Oakland, California and the Bulldogs of Oakland Tech High. Brink had 94 receptions for 1,507 yards and 34 touchdowns and was the team MVP last year. Minnesota, USC, Texas and Florida State wanted him. He ended up signing with us, and now he is on the depth chart.

Coach Kaname disclosed the winning formula for having a football team with depth. A team needs four quarterbacks, five halfbacks, three fullbacks, six wide receivers, three tight ends, three left tackles, three left guards, three centers, three right guards, three right tackles, three left ends, three right ends, five defensive linemen, three left outside linebackers, four middle linebackers, three right outside linebackers, five cornerbacks, three free safeties, three strong safeties, a kicker and a punter. No more, no less.

That amounts to a full 70-man roster, It's a shame that 10 of the freshmen on the team had to be cut, but we had some excesses in some areas and a shortage of quarterbacks. Sam Tremblay is now a third-string quarterback, so that means all the quarterbacks are juniors. At least none of us were cut, and Jason Kennedy is now a second-string right outside linebacker behind Melvin Cantrell. 

In the next column, I will talk a little bit about D.W. Hinoi, our new starting quarterback for the Magi. Till then, I am Gir Todafunk, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

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