Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 54

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Gir's Weekly Column: Volume 54

By Gir Todafunk
Special to the Daily Magi
August 6, 2055


A bit late, but happy British Columbia Day, readers of the Daily Magi and Magi Football Blog! I am Gir Todafunk, your ace cornerback extraordinaire, ready to fill you in on a few more new faces coming into the picture this year. Of 25 new recruits coming into the team, only nine had to be cut. Those nine players have either been integrated into the sprint football team or have elected to transfer elsewhere. Good luck to those who didn't make the cut.

Left end Jason Hinds, is a 6'4", 240 lb bowling ball from East Orange, New Jersey. Like Cory King, Jason was nearly lost to the service academies, but fortunately for us, he chose us. He's also a military science major and wants to pitch in on the War on Terror. He possess strong discipline and character, because his father was a member of the Green Berets before being killed in action when he was seven.

Another new face from the east coast is Jason Richwalski, a 6'6", 262-lb right end from Carney, Maryland. Essentially he got on to the depth chart at the expense of Randy Hill flying the coop for Duke, a basketball school that is forced to wipe the floor with Mitakihara's Magi hoopsters on occasions. He was the No. 1-rated defensive end and a blue-chipper and was coveted by USC, Miami, Minnesota and Penn State.

A left end that will surely get some playing time is freshman Daniel Thomas, a 6'2", 260 lb beast from Wyoming, Michigan. Yes, there is a city named Wyoming. I kid you not. Even though he sides with the Democratic Party on a number of issues regarding America, his parents are Republicans. By the way, Wyoming is a suburb of Grand Rapids, Michigan. All right, there's a city we know. Can't go wrong with those Griffins!

Finally, a tight end that may or may not be earning some time on the field is freshman James Johnson, a 6'3", 204 lbs piece of reliability from Snellville, Georgia. His father was a baptist preacher, his mother was an ace of spades, and his sister was a prostitute before she became a nun draped in tattoos. Snellville is a town of 18,000 in Gwinnett County, which effectively makes it a suburb of Atlanta.

I may take the time the new weeks to talk about some unique quirks to the Canadian version of gridiron. Be sure to check it out. I'm Gir, Mr. Wonderful, signing off. You are not alone.

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