Friday, November 29, 2013

"I hope you come home in a box, Slaughter": Dean Amakusa

"I hope you come home in a box, Slaughter": Dean Amakusa

By Airi Altinate
The Daily Magi
August 31, 2058


After Mitakihara Magi quarterback Dean Amakusa threw his third interception of the afternoon to against the Army Black Knights at Michie Stadium in West Point, N.Y., he was enraged and got into a bit of a verbal spat with Magi football coach Tatsuya Kaname.

"Coach, let me throw the ball for the rest of the game until we hit 140," Amakusa told Coach Kaname.
"No, we're going to run the ball next drive," he said.
"Coach! If you don't let me throw the ball I'm quitting the team immediately! Do I make myself clear?"
"Tatsuya," said offensive coordinator Raul Chaser, "I think he's serious about this. Let him do what he wants."
"I'll talk to him about this, Tatsuya," said quarterbacks coach D.W. Hinoi. "Let him do what he wants for now. We'll just run Play No. 1 ad nauseum."
Play No. 1 is the Hail Mary. Coach Kaname eventually relented. "All right, Dean, we'll go ahead and let you do what you want."
"I am really pissed off. That son of a bitch [cornerback Donald] Slaughter needs to go down in a fire," Amakusa said. 
Amakusa eventually passed for 666 yards and 14 touchdowns in the Magi's 221-35 rout of the Black Knights. After the final 2-point conversion which made it 144-21, Amakusa went over to Slaughter and did a throat-slash gesture.
"I hope you get killed in the line of duty and go home to mama in a box, Slaughter, you piece of shit!" he screamed. "Fuck off, you bastard!" Then he went over to the players and addressed them "Hey! Guys, listen up! I want these motherfuckers KILLED! These West Point f-----s are picking off the wrong team and I want them killed. I don't care how you fuckheads do it, whether you break their elbows, collarbones, fibulas or lay the concussion treatment on them...hey, I want them killed because they are shit! We run college football and we're not gonna let these bastards stand in our way! Let's go! WHO'S WITH ME!!!?"
"YEEEEEEEAAAAH!" they all said, rallying around Amakusa.
A Mitakihara fan stood up and said to the Army boosters, "Hey West Point, you heard Dean! You don't want to piss the Authority off. We're not messing around anymore! Come after us you Yanks, if you dare!"

All in all, it was an ugly game marred by turnovers and sloppy throwing on both ends. Just like with the game against Notre Dame, everyone was a receiver: both the wide receivers and tight ends and the opposing secondary. In the end, Amakusa's 14 touchdowns to his own wideouts proved to be all the difference.

"Dean is a really, really tough competitor and he doesn't like making mistakes and he doesn't like his receivers making mistakes," Coach Kaname said after the game. "Dean and Sam [Brown] both struggled to maintain a sort of rhythm with their throwing. 

"Army's defense came to play today, without a doubt. They're pretty good. They got after us on the run, they picked off a lot of our passes and they took us off our rhythm. We were lucky to get at least 200 in this one. We'll cop it on the chin, regroup and get ready to head to Austin next week."

When a young student journalist from New York City (who will remain anonynmous in this piece) asked Coach Kaname why Madoka elected to pass the ball ad nauseum, he returned the favor with a questione.
"Young man, how long have you heard of us, let alone followed us?" he asked.
"Since last week?" the young journalist replied.
"Well. That explains a lot, doesn't it? You should know by now that running it up is something we do every game, especially when the defense is making big plays. If you have a problem with teams running up the scores, you shouldn't be a sports journalist but rather flip burgers on minimum wage in an inner city neighborhood. Now do I make myself clear, young man?"
"You are a very rude person, Coach Kaname!"
"Speak for yourself. New Yorkers are worse. And you should know this because you're from there. I will take no more further questions. Thank you." The journalist in question was eventually stripped of his credential and fired from the newspaper hours later.

Mitakihara improve to 2-0 and continue their long road trip against the Texas Longhorns next week.

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