Saturday, January 4, 2014

"That dude just keeps lifting weights every...day": Tshabalala

"That dude just keeps lifting weights every...day": Tshabalala

By Natsumi Koshigaya
The Daily Magi
November 3, 2060


Mitakihara Magi fullback Lionel "Shabba" Tshabalala has a problem. A major problem. A beyond major-problem. His spotter in the weight room, halfback Dan Roxas, is addicted to lifting weights, sometimes forgetting to do the spotting. And it's left him really concerned.

"I don't get it. That dude just keeps lifting weights every fucking day," Tshabalala said during practice at Hakurei Centre. "Every day. After class, he lifts weights. After practice, he lifts weights. After a home game...he lifts weights. Even during after hours he lifts weights.

"And I'm like, slow the fuck down man, you're gonna tear a muscle or break a bone and then, what? We're gonna lose you for, like, the year or something because you've been overexerting yourself. I mean, this guy does 20 reps of 30, 30 reps of 40, 10 reps bench pressing 300 three times, 10 reps squatting 400 three times then another 20 reps of 30, 30 reps of 40 with no cool down exercise whatsoever.

"Dan's, like, hitting the weight room like he owns it. We also need to use it, too. I know he doesn't want to be accused of taking steroids and shit, but come on! Take a rest every fucking once in a while. We're humans, not horses. Dude's gotta know his limits."

"In the offseason, the conditioning is actually much lighter for me, unlike the other players," said Roxas when explaining his workout regimen. "I tend to have bigger classloads in the offseason so I can graduate on time. The classloads are lighter when it's football season, so I have to actually train like a pro. That's why I've been following the regimens of a lot of NFL players, and they do a lot of weight training so I want to be just like them."

"Dan's a committed worker and you can see by the fact that he loves to keep his body in focus and in good shape," said offensive line coach Darrell Hashida, who also doubles as the team's strength and conditioning coach. "Being fit can actually help you with your classes. Since he decided to crash the weight rooms, Dan's been acing his classes and hasn't flunked a single assignment.

"So while I understands there's some concern that he's going into overkill, I say that he knows his limitations better than any of us, even the full-time sports scientists that are employed by the Athletic Department. We'll only worry when he tells us he crossed the line on his own terms."

Still, Shabba is holding out hope that Dan will finally take a rest from all that muscle flexing.

"If he's able to survive the season without an injury, I guess I will be able to trust him after all with his regimen," he said. "But at least he has to be spotting me when I do my powerlifting, cause that's most important."

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