Monday, February 24, 2014

EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT: October 22, 2063


Mayu Shimada, the mother of Mitakihara Magi recruit Josh Yoshioka.
EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT: October 22, 2063

By Sora Kazasawa
The Daily Magi
October 22, 2063

Josh Yoshioka was a tight end that wanted to go to Mitakihara University, but he was receiving offers from two other schools. Well, it was two, but now it was down to Mitakihara and LSU. There was some faint hope that Josh would reconsider and give the Tigers a chance but the outlook was looking pretty grim.
All of Josh's blue-chip friends on the MiTSS Angels had already committed to Mitakihara by Week 6. The Magi would once again have the most powerful recruiting class in college football. But Josh was the lone holdout. His mother, Mayu Shimada, was wondering why the decision was taking so long. It was found out that he had a fondness for LSU, and the food in Baton Rouge. Food? Gluttony? Was that really Josh's motivation? Or was it the fact that LSU was an SEC school?
Whatever was the case, it didn't click for Mayu. Here he was, with the obvious choice just a drive away...and he was hesitant to finally sign and breathe a sigh of relief. What was going on? However, Monday came, and as Mayu was preparing breakfast, a decision was made.
"Hey Mom," Josh said, brushing his hair after wearing his suit for classes, "can you call Coach Kaname?"
"Josh? You mean to tell're going to do it?" She was making fried rice with Spam, eggs and kimchi.
"I should have joined my friends a few weeks ago. They all seemed so happy, knowing that they made the right choice. I think it's time for me to give up on LSU."
"Hand me the phone, I need to talk to Coach Kaname."
Mayu handed Josh the phone. "You know his number?"
"He told me during my visit last month."

Meanwhile, Mitakihara Magi football coach Tatsuya Kaname was busy sleeping between his five wonderful wives, all of which who were groping him while they were sleeping in his bed. The phone rang.
"Mmmmmmm, Takkun, get it," Dr. Homura Akemi said to him.
"Agggh, oh this time of day," Tatsuya grunted. "Hello?"
"Is this Coach Kaname?" asked Josh.
"Yes, who is this?"
"This is Josh Yoshioka, from the recruiting visit last month."
"Josh? Oh, hi, how ya doin' kid?"
"I have great news to tell you."
"I'm committing."
"Say that again."
"I'm playing for your team next year. I'm committing to Madoka."
A pause. "Okay, well, do you know the next steps?"
"Talk with your counselor about the requirements for admission, make sure to ace your classes and stay healthy on the field, complete any exams necessary but most importantly, talk to your counselor about the process. Understand, young man?"
"Yes, sir."
"Okay. Well, let me be among the first to welcome you to the Mitakihara Family. Good luck, we'll see you at the campus next summer and take care of yourself."
"Yes, sir. Thanks, Coach."
"All right, later." And Coach Kaname. "Madoka, Homura, Mami, Sayaka and Kyouko, if you excuse me, I need to go outside and stretch for a bit. Keep sleeping."
"Mmmmmmm," the women groaned as Tatsuya, in his T-shirt and shorts, walked out of the house.
He took a big breath, then let the world know. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAH! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! Finally! It's over! He's ours, LSU! He's ours, Notre Dame! YEAAAAAH! OHHHHH SWEET JESUS!" Tatsuya pumped his fists and clapped his hands as he entered the house.
"Ne, Tatsuya, why are you so loud?" Madoka said, walking out of the house, yawning in her pajamas, slightly bleary-eyed. "Eh?"
Tatsuya gave his sister/wife a hug. "Our recruiting class in complete. Thank you that it's over. It's done. Josh had commited to our school."
"I see. I'm glad."
"I'm gonna make breakfast for all of you. Are you gonna go back to the bedroom?"
"I will, but...try not to be so loud in the morning," Madoka said.
"Okay, my Goddess, sweet dreams, babe," Tatsuya whispered before cracking his knuckles, putting on an apron and cooking some steak and eggs and all the trimmings. And the steak, of course, was organic wagyu.

"There he is," said Haruki Takayama to Dee Dee Sonida, Lea Eino, Jasper Tanaka, Bo Aoyama, Sean Yamashita, Bruno Okuno and Takeshi "Tarzan" Takagi as they all watched Josh join them on campus at Mitakihara Town Secondary School. "What took you so long to get here, Yosh?" That was his nickname among the Yatta Brothers and the Good Night Boys. Yosh.
"Sorry I'm late. But I have some great news to tell you."
"What is it?" asked Dee Dee.
"Did another school enter the chase for your signature?" Tarzan deadpanned.
"Even better," Josh said.
Bruno blinked. "Wat?"
A pause. And a deep breath. "I'm committing to Mitakihara and will join you guys."
"YEEEEEEEAAAAAH!" the others cheered, jumping in celebration before they group-hugged Josh.
"You were gonna be with us no matter what, you know that, right?" Sean said, in tears.
"We're all brothers, man," Bo said. "We're all gonna graduate together and we're all gonna be together to the end! Isn't that right, Jas?"
"Got that right, Bo, and I'm relieved that you finally got those idiots from LSU and Notre Dame off your back, man," Jasper said. "Forget about those schools. You're not gonna win shit over there. Nothing! Good job, man."
"Thanks, everyone," Josh said, beaming. "I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that this is over."
"I think LSU is gonna be pissed because I think they're facing Madoka this week and we took you away from them," Lea said.
"LSU? More like L-S-Who," Dee Dee said. "Or L-S-WhoDat. There you go. L-S-WhoDat."
"I'm staying here," Josh said. "And we're gonna win four national championships together. Thanks, everyone."
"You know something?" said Haruki.
"Your mom owes us dinner. Since you were the last one to fall in line, brother. And guys, guys, guysguysguys...Josh's mom is an ace at cooking, okay. She knows how to make a really, really good steak, so she needs to treat us to steak dinner."
"All right, I'll let Mom know. But you all need to pitch in." They handed Josh some cash. "Good. Thanks. Now let's get the fuck outta here and get to class."
"YEEEEAAAH!" the others roared as they made the rush to the homeroom.
"Hey, no running in the hallway!" said an old Indian match teacher with a thick Punjab accent. He noticed a few other boys doing a Madness strut. "And no One Step Beyond either!" he roared, shaking an angry fist of rage.

Oh, that math teacher.

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