Friday, February 28, 2014

"I was born to be a male version of my mother": Takayama

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"I was born to be a male version of my mother": Takayama

By Kotone Noda
The Daily Magi
October 20, 2064

One of the things that ticks Mitakihara Magi freshman quarterback Haruki Takayama off is the tendency for some of his fellow classmates to call him Haruhi, as a reference to Haruhi Suzumiya, the wife of former Magi football assistant coach John Kyon Smith. It's something that Takayama does not understand, even though his classmates say that it's just a lighthearted way to mispronounce his name.

"I just don't get it," Takayama said after a rather light practice session at Hakurei Centre. "Why do people call me Haruhi. I'm not Haruhi Suzumiya, I'm Haruki Takayama. Some people are trying to dress me down in broad daylight so that they can argue that I'm actually a girl posing as a guy, when in fact, I was born a man. A real man. But not just any man: I was born a girly man.

"To be technical to you readers, I was born to be a male version of my mother, Haruka Takayama, who is actually one of my mothers. I ended up with the lustful longings of Mama Haruka while inheriting the tomboyish tendencies of Mama Yuu, who I was born out of. It was more of Mama Haruka than Mama Yuu because I have a well-developed physique that I manage every day, through hours of weight training, running and underwater breathing.

"And I was born to have the desires of love that my mothers have. But it was more so Mama Haruka wanting a boy in her image. I lust for girls. I'm a straight ally. I engage in sweet talk and sweet sex with my fiancee Marie, who reminds me of Mama Yuu in a way so much that she looks like a younger version of her, with the twintails and flowers.

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"I don't go to class wearing hair ribbons like Haruhi Suzumiya or Mama Haruka. My hair is trimmed. If I were to wear ribbons, it would be part of a wig. For girls. And I don't wear wigs for girls because I'm not a girl. If I was a girl, I wouldn't be playing on the football team or playing football in particular, even though this year's team has a punter that is a woman. But I don't do punting. I'm a quarterback. A dual-threat quarterback that tends to throw bad passes like they were bridal bouquets.

"So please, I implore you people: please get this through your head. Haruhi is not my name. It's Haruki. With a K. The K is for kiss, because it's the best part of being a lover and a future husband. I'm Haruki Takayama, and I approve of this soapbox."

However, contrary to the clearing of air by the Magi gunslinging young punk, there is proof that Haruki secretly likes being compared to Haruhi. Proof that Haruki secretly likes being compared to...a god. That proof comes from...wide receiver Daiki Deshou Sonoda.

"Don't let his words fool you, he loves his name being convoluted into Haruhi," Dee Dee said. "He knows that Hare Hare Yukai dance, and he does have those tsundere tendencies at times. And who can blame him. His face, his body, his frame of mind...they all parallel that of Haruhi.

"Mrs. Suzumiya-Smith is an old lady now, but even she told me that Haruki reminded her of her when she was young. Seeing him gives her the drive to keep being optomistic in spite of her age. I even call him Haruhi too. But we all know his real nickname. It's Sakura Trick. We gave him that nickname after he extolled the praises and virtues of girls turning tricks for girls under the cherry blossoms out of innocence and fun. But if Sakura Trick's a bit too long for you neophytes...just call him Haruhi. Because God Knows."

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...mistaken identity?

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