Monday, February 24, 2014

"I was a figure skating legend a long time ago": Akemi


"I was a figure skating legend a long time ago": Akemi

By Sora Kazesawa
The Daily Magi
October 23, 2063

Retired Mitakihara University chancellor, Dr. Homura Akemi, recalled a time before she became the head coach at LSU for a stint back in 2014. She was summoned to the Japanese Olympic Team as a figure skater to compete at the XXII Olympic Winter Games in Sochi, Russian Federation. Akemi ended up winning two golds: one in the team competition and one in the individual competition.

"I was a figure skating legend back in my day, a long time ago," said Dr. Akemi. "I framed my two gold medals, but I had to tell the LSU athletic director, Mr. Joe Alleva, that I needed to compete for Japan before I returned to Baton Rouge. You see, figure skating is only a hobby for me. So I was called up to the national Olympic team as a bit of a joke by the Japanese Olympic Committee.

"They didn't realize that I was pretty good. As a demon, I didn't need steroids or substances to improve my performance. I won my two gold medals on my own natural talent and I ended up getting a lot of praise for it. The person who finished second to me, Adelina [Sotnikova], wanted my autograph, and I signed a Japanese women's hockey jersey for her.

"However, I couldn't stay at Sochi for too long because of my job obligations to LSU, so immediately after I won my gold medals, I took the next flight back to America. The others elected to watch the rest of the Games before flying back to Canada. It was a good experience, but as soon as I made it to the top, I knew I was going to walk away from the sport on my own terms."

When asked about sex at the Olympic Games, Dr. Akemi just beamed. Mitakihara Town is scheduled to host the XXXV Olympic Winter Games in a little over two years.

"There should be more of it," Dr. Akemi said. "Free love should be everywhere. All these athletes are healthy, they have no infections, they deserve to be pleasured and ravaged with a passion all the youth of the world playing in the Olympics, don't be shy, give sex a try! The competition will keep you focused, but the sex will set you free!"

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