Friday, March 14, 2014

"I'm Gonna Let It Ride": Jansen Onjouji

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Ryuuka Shimizudani and Toki Onjouji, 
the grandparents of Mitakihara Magi recruit Jansen Onjouji.

"I'm Gonna Let It Ride": Jansen Onjouji

By Kobeni Yonomori
The Daily Magi
October 27, 2065

If there is one thing that motivates Mitakihara Magi recruit Jansen Akito Onjouji besides love, it's family. His father, Rio Onjouji, was a former halfback and now a retired head football coach, having finished seven seasons as the head coach at Willamette University in Oregon before stepping down following a winless 0-10 season marred by cribbing, underage drinking and rape amongst the players. Nowadays, the old man is either fishing, playing mahjong, or working as a local schoolteacher, which is his default day job.

"My father was so shaken by what happened last year that he told me that if I wanted to become a coach in football, don't go to Willamette because those players out there make SEC football players look like Trappist monks," Onjouji said during a phone interview at his house in midtown Mitakihara. "I told him, 'Dad, I don't even know where that is.'

"Aside from that, I wanted to follow in the footsteps of my dad and play for Mitakihara. Yeah, there were other schools that wanted to court me, but I knew they didn't stand a chance. My grandmother, Toki, expected me to follow the lead of my dad once I decided to pay them a visit. Once I soaked in everything at Homecoming, there was no turning back. I was hooked. I wanted to play here. That's all there is to it."

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Toki Onjouji, Jansen's designated "grandfather," despite being a woman.

Jansen Onjouji runs a 4.1 40, has a vertical leap of 90", can bench press and squat 650 and has a propensity to engage in grunion runs off the coast of Baja California during spring breaks, mainly to build confidence and determination. He also plays on the track team and won a few sprint races in his first year at MiTSS.

"Actually, I also do the grunions runs in the spring to deliberately tee off the gringos that commute over there," Onjouji said with a snicker. "I got tons of friends down there in Rosarito Beach, many who support Club Tijuana, and some who are gringos. They called me 'Grunion' instead of Jansen because I am just so skilled at catchng grunion and using it as bait to catch a few sharks to make fish and chips.

"Aside from grunion runs, I do know how to play riichi mahjong and I often play with Grandma Toki, Grandma Ryuuka and my dad. I used to get on the short end of these things, but now I'm been winning hands after hands, so much that Grandma Toki gets real sleepy. She sleeps a lot, so I have to take good care of her my helping Grandma Ryuuka out.

"My girlfriend, Kagami Arashiyama, is someone that I admire, not just for her looks but because for this fact: she conducts herself like an adult. I call her Kaga for short because she is a bit of a tomboy in terms of her personality. Kaga's planning to join me at Madoka to major in physics and join the archery team with her twin sister Akagi. Akagi is a friendly, sociable person but she is a gormandizer. All she does besides study, school and archery is eat, eat, eat. She's always hungry and is never full. Hey, I know maneaters exist, but she takes it beyond its logical extremes. Akagi made gormandizing cool before it was an in thing. She truly fits the hipster mentality of Mitakihara University.

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"You know, one time, during my second year at MitSS, I drove the Arashiyama twins to the A&W located 4 km from the school. Place is packed. So, here's what happened: we go to the counter, and Akagi says, 'I'd like to order everything in the menu. Times two. I told Kaga, 'Is she always like this?' She says, 'Yes.' Eventually, she finished everything...in under an hour. And she never gained a single pound. Such metabolism.

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"When I report to training camp next summer for my new team, I want to keep my dad, Grandma Toki, Grandma Ryuuka, Kaga and Akagi in mind. They want me to succeed and be someone. I promised Kaga, if I win a national championship, I will propose to you after the game, and you will accept. And the summer following, we will marry and honeymoon at Wreck Beach...before driving to A&W to feed Akagi's craving for meat. I know who I am, and I will do what I need to do.

"So for you, my dear, sweet Kaga...I'm gonna let it ride."

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