Sunday, June 1, 2014

A Historic Win For A Historic Program

A Historic Win For A Historic Program

By Uzuki Shimamura
The Daily Magi
January 1, 2071

Turkey, chips and salsa. The most win combination ever.

@Travis7401 and the Colorado State Rams outgunned the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, 63-14 in the first quarter and with a 70-point lead midway through the second quarter, the Irish were unable to run up the score late and catch up to the Rams in time. Despite being outgained in total yards, 1235-993, as well as in passing yards, 830-481, Colorado State ran past Notre Dame in the 2071 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, 101-68 for the program's first ever Fiesta Bowl win. The celebration sparked off wild celebrations in Fort Collins. Scenes of burning cars, burning couches, toilet paper strewn on the campus sidewalks, smashed windows, heavy fighting with police, mosh pits and mobs of jubilation on every corner, and an army of 500 naked fat guys doing the Nae Nae in the cold were seen following the historic upset of the No. 4 Fighting Irish.

"I can't believe it," Corch Travis said, in tears after being lifted into the heavens like the late Jack Black in School of Rock. "What do you want to me say? Jeez...this win... you know, this win it means a lot to everybody out there. It means a lot to the players, coaches, students, fans, alumni, administration, faculty, staff, boosters, everybody that bleeds Green and Gold. I'm so proud of everyone. They did a great job I wanna say hello to my wife Mrs. Travis, and all my friends from Utopia watching this at at home or at the bar or some place in Oklahoma: @Reel, @Plotty, @Bmack, @pavel, @Irishman, @OU11, @TrojanMan, @bruin228 , @Brick, @Wooly, @Yankee151, @chibob, @worst2first@whiteyc_77 , @Clintmartian , @Rob's FSU , @DHawkeye, @Kella, @cmq, @GR8 2 B FL G8R , @BearDownUofA , @goblue96, @adchester, @fsuprime, @NavyHog, @Orangebird, @Lloyd Carr, @DeadMan, @BasinBictory, @DanishDonut0, @dirt, @GatorTD @Packfan, @Mr. Tennessee, @evil1, @Wuf, @jdlikewhoa, @Bruce Wayne, and all the others I didn't mention, and of course, @Hachiko for donating one marzillion dongs to the welfare of this program! And I thank God for being God for getting these boys get it done! There's nobody but God! There's nobody!

"I just wanna close it out with this: I love Colorado State! I love college football! I love America! I love you all! We're gonna come back later tomorrow morning to Fort Collins! and we're gonna have ourselves a party! Thank you! Be safe out there! GO RAMS! OHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEEEAAAAAH!!!!"

It was noted later that Corch Travis meant to say "$1,000,000 USD" but according to the victorious Corch, it was a synonym.

"Man, I didn't want to let him down," said quarterback O.J. Ross, who set a school record for passing yards in a single season after passing for 412 yards and seven touchdown. "I didn't want to let him down. I wanted him to be happy for us because we didn't come all this way for nothin'. This was our destiny. Corch told me, O.J., you need to be the man. Are you strong? I said, I'm strong if you're strong. He say, we strawng then.

"We're doing it big all over the country, all over the world! And I'm proud. I'm proud to be a Colorado State Ram."

CSU finish their season 12-2 (9-1 Mountain West). Notre Dame finish the season 9-4.

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