Saturday, June 7, 2014

"Tell Me Something I Don't Know, You Tryhards": Tatsuya Kaname



"Tell Me Something I Don't Know, You Tryhards": Tatsuya Kaname

By Enju Aihara
The Daily Magi
September 26, 2071

Quarterback Russ Opare passed for 137 yards and a touchdown and ran for 378 yards and two more scores as Tatsuya Kaname's No. 1 ranked Mitakihara Magi routed the No. 2 ranked South Carolina Gamecocks, 97-24, at WIlliams-Brice Stadium in Columbia, S.C. Halfback Kodoka Onodera ran for 258 yards and four touchdowns while halfback Drew Childs ran for 123 yards and four more scores. After the game was over, Coach Kaname gave his thoughts on the game.

"One of the most enduring weaknesses regarding our team is that of our pass defense," Coacnh Kaname said. "We gave up 639 passing yards despite allowing just two passing touchdowns. The reason why we have been allowing so many passing yards lie in a number of factors. First, by rule we get off to a fast start against our opponents. This means they have to catch up to us by going to the air. Running the ball becomes less of a convenient option if you have to chase the game. Secondly, we schedule really good opponents that have NFL-ready receivers on their teams. The really good receivers I've seen hang 300 or 400 receiving yards before we knock them out of the game.

"Finally, the teams we face feature competent offensive lines, allowing their quarterback time to throw. You saw that with the long pass from [South Carolina QB Eugene] Holly to their guy [J.J.] Wiley, who is actually a quarterback on their team. I can understand why Coach Tsuchi [Magi defensive coordinator Harutora Tsuchimikado] slammed down his headset after that long pass, which was his only catch of the game. Wiley's not a pure receiver, and we were bringing the blitz and we got to Holly, but he still pulled off the completion. I really think Holly is going to be playing in the NFL. He has the skills to pull off big plays while under pressure and that was the best I saw from him.

"What I have an issue with is that you members of the media, you hacks posing as legit journalists, make this issue regarding our pass defense worse than it really is. Yes, we give up so much passing yards. Yes, opposing quarterback have set records against us. But I've coached this game for six decades straight. Tell me something I don't know, you tryhards.

"You see, for years, we've made up for our inability to reduce passing yardage in droves by forcing turnovers in droves. We've had the best turnover ratio in college football for six decades. Giving up passing yards is the least of our issues. The real issue is points, and opponents can throw 1,000 passing yards at us and still get blown apart. That's because our run game and run defense blows all others out of the water. I hope you neophytes in the press were paying attention to what I just said, because I'm not going to repeat myself again."

Mitakihara improve to 5-0 and open up their home stand next week against Oklahoma in Homecoming 2071.

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